Professional + Mummy = Oxymoron?

Sometimes I say to my husband, "You don't know what it's like to be home with the kids ALL THE TIME." I describe the often frustrating cycle of cleaning a room, as the children destroy another room. Or working for hours trying to 'get on top of the housework', thinking that at some point the house will be tidy, complete, and all that will be necessary is to maintain. I am yet to reach such a point, and highly doubt this point even exists before the youngest child is in full-time school (and even then...)

Or the constant stickiness, and the food in my hair (weet-bix is the worst!) and pulling on clothes that may not fit properly, or look like they were stolen from a hobo, and throwing my hair back into a ponytail. Seriously, I have seen babies that are better dressed than me. This is a very real concern!

There were days last year when it was school holidays and Sophia was still a pretty new baby, where it would get to the evening and I would go outside to empty the bin or check the mail, and I would look around and think, 'Huh, it rained today' or something, and realize I hadn't been out of my house, even to the letterbox, for a couple of days.

Back to my original point, I tell my husband he doesn't know what my role as stay at home mother is like, and he reminds me that I don't know what his role as 'bacon-getter' is like, because I've never had a full-time outside the home job.

He suggested awhile ago that I get back into some music teaching. I have been giving private music lessons since I was seventeen, and I actually quite enjoy it. I have met some awesome and talented young musicians and had a lot of fun with them. About two years ago we moved to another town, and with two small children and another on the way, I decided it was time for a break. A few weeks back, though, I decided life has calmed down enough for me to start thinking about starting up again.

Here's where it gets interesting- I somehow managed to get a part time job teaching piano and vocal lessons at a local private school (without so much as an interview, oh yeahhh!) and am finding myself actually being chased down by other schools looking for music teachers, which are apparently rare in this town. So here I am with more work than I can take being offered.

Maybe the first consideration should be the content of my lessons, or possible programs for Years 4-7 students...but let's be honest, my first thought was one of panic- Oh dear, I have to appear professional! No more food in my hair, no more havaianas, but ironed, smart casual teacher clothing. (Second thought was about programming.) I since took the opportunity to disappear off to the shopping centre and purchase a bunch of clothes (and while I was there, the complete series of Daria) much to my husband's shock. I usually come home fairly empty handed, mumbling about requiring practical shoes etc. Not this time!

Also thinking I could use some new make-up. It's been about two years since I really bought any decent make-up. And if I'm thinking about make-up, maybe I should be getting my hair all fancied up too. All in the name of appearing professional, of course. Both of these things don't typically fall under the realm of mother attire (at least in my world) so one could assume they are a part of being a working woman. And I think I could do with some new pants, too. You can't go to work with no pants.

My husband said if I wanted to work full time he would quit his job today. Sound like Lynette and Tom, season two of Desperate Housewives? Haha. In a way, that sounds....interesting.

My personal study: Women in soft porn menswear

This is a study, by me, of soft pornographic clothing by brands commonly found in retailers throughout Australia. All brands are stocked in stores in Australian shopping centres. The brands I selected include Two In The Shirt (T.I.T.S.), Unit, Hustler, Nena and Pasadena, Jetpilot, Og Abel, Roger David and 187. They are sold in City Beach Australia, Waves, Liquid Surf and Roger David, to name a few. This study was based on 50-60 shirts.

Note: This is a "study" I did myself, on shirts that were specifically chosen because of their soft porn images. They ranged from shirts featuring girls in bikinis to...well, worse. I wanted to explore the common themes or depictions of women on this disgusting yet tragically fashionable trend.

Also, I did not include pictures this time, so don't be afraid!

Each time I found a shirt that met one of the following criteria, I made a tally of it. I have listed the most common results first, going down to the less common.

DEPICTIONS OF WOMEN.

Decoration 30

Porn Stars 20

Punching Bags 5

Gold diggers 4

Angels 3

Bitches 2

These depictions were based on both slogans and images. By the term 'Decoration' I mean that the women had no real function other than being a near naked prop. For example, there were several shirts that featured women and cars. One of these involved a semi naked woman fixing a car, and another washing a car, but six of them were of a woman either sitting on or standing in front of the car- not doing anything but being there displaying their bodies.

FREQUENTLY USED PROPS.

Cars- Fixing 1, Washing 1, Decorative use 6

Alcohol, drinking 6 (limited to Wifey shirts)

Weapon (usually a gun, in one case a knife) 5

Bike (for riding or sitting on) 5

House duties 3

Bananas, eating 2

From this you may deduce that the activities women were shown to participate in were posing near cars or bikes, drinking, using guns, vacuuming and seductively eating bananas. I don't know about you girls, but I can't seem to stop myself posing near cars and eating bananas...

POSES/ IMAGES

"General" sexual references 13 (semi naked women, references to sex)

Sexual activity (lesbian activity, touching) 5

Sexual poses 5

Legs spread 4

Putting things in mouth 4

S&M 1

Violence 1

It is important to note that when I refer to "General sexual references" I only included shirts that were of a very sexual nature. Obviously, all the shirts I reviewed I considered to be of a sexual nature, but I did not include clothing with pictures of simply girls in bikinis- it had to be further down that road. Therefore, "Sexual poses" refers to overt sexual poses, not just pouting girls in bikinis.

USE OF MOUTH

Mouth covered 6 (including one instance of entire head being covered)

Putting something in mouth 4

Additional references to silence 3 (gags, shhh sign, bandannas, word silent, silence included in slogan)

It seems to be a theme in many of these soft porn shirts that women's mouths are actually covered, by bandannas, gags and other objects. The obvious interpretation to me, is that women and girls are being silenced. I find that a very disturbing notion, that through the medium of t-shirts, half of the population could be so marginalized.

BODY PARTS

Focus on one specific body part 5 (Mainly backside and breasts)

Eyes covered 1

I think that having the model's eyes covered, as well as many more images showing only the model's torso or hot body parts, leaving her head off the image, makes her just a body or an object, and makes it easier not to view her as a person.

RACE

Black women 2

Black women exposing backside 2

Black women featured not exposing their backside 0

Basically what I have seen here is that ONLY white caucasian women, who are also thin, beautiful and sexualised appear anywhere in these pictures, except for a few rare instances. These are, 1) T.I.T.S. brand Latina Wifey shirt, with a barely clothed Latin women, with her legs open, eating a banana in an alluring way, for lack of a better word. 2) and 3) are both black women, who are wearing g-strings, as the focus of the picture in both case is their backsides.

This means that there is no representation of black women anywhere, except when they expose their backsides. That is the only time black women are used.

After noting all of the above, I couldn't help feeling a little more concerned about the messages they send about women and the roles that they have, or that are expected of them. Whether ironing, playing cards or standing in front of a car, women are expected to be beautiful and resemble porn stars- but also remember their most important purpose is posing and eating sexy foods in a sexy way.

That's what I'm talking 'bout! (Part 2)

WARNING: This post contains offensive images. Please don't scroll down unless you are prepared to see them. These images appear on t-shirts and are for sale in regular shopping centres.

City Beach (again). Openly displayed, as are they all, often in the front window for all passers-by to see.

Roger David, from the new line "Blood is the new black". The one on the right is copied from a Roxy music CD cover.

To be fair, I have never seen this one for sale at a shopping centre, and it doesn't qualify as pornographic. I use it as another example of some of the offensive content on t-shirts.

This is from Krank clothing, found in a Westfield shopping centre. Similar shirts were displayed out the front of the store. Centre management was dismissive to complaints. Krank stocks Hustler brand shirts (yes, Hustler like the pornographic magazine). Some slogans on these shirts include "Bitches get stiches", "Get a tattoo, pussy" and "Talk sh*t, get hit".

This shirt is from Target.

Even "family friendly" Target is getting in on the soft porn menswear action.

I figured I've already mentioned Nena and Pasadena and their gross sexist designs...in like three separate posts.

In all my research to find out who is responsible for regulating clothing, and laws surrounding these issues, I have found a giant gap. I have spoken to Consumer Protection, Human Rights Commission, the Ad Standards Bureau (while they do cover outdoor advertising, that does not extend to clothing) and my local member of parliament who has discussed this with the police.

I am told the Minister for Police is considering legislation in this area, as it is becoming more necessary I suppose. I will be in touch with his office too!

That's what I'm talking 'bout!

WARNING: The images below may be offensive. However, they are all openly displayed on t-shirts and in shopping centres.

This is a Hustler shirt, for sale at a small t-shirt store in a shopping centre.

For sale at Krank clothing store, in a Westfield shopping centre, displayed out the front of the store.

This one is currently available at City Beach surf, one of their many soft-porn shirts. They have also been known to sell R rated toys in the children's toy section.

City Beach surf again.

I quote straight from the website: "Ladies, show a little glamorous attitude...bold and feminine in one sexy package!"

Yes, this shirt is actually designed for women. Not just women, but women who have attitude, and are bold and feminine! They forgot to mention women who have no self respect.

Looks like I'm not the only one who's sick of this

What went down when I called Nena and Pasadena....

So, let's get up to speed. Nena and Pasadena clothing has released several offensive t-shirts with semi naked women in provocative poses, including topless. (Refer to my previous post for more information.) Several people that I know have have made complaints, either directly to Nena and Pasadena, to the Advertising Standards Bureau, or to the stores that choose to stock this clothing. My sister in law Kylie received the following response from Nena and Pasadena.

Thanks for your comments and views but we feel we know what young people want to wear so we choose to continue our design concepts in full. I have three teenage boys of my own and have discussed your email with them, they were humored by your thoughts and added that the 6 o'clock news contained far more adult contact than a tshirt!! If you feel that we degrade women or promote violence against women please further your emails to the editor of the herald sun.

Kind Regards

Tim Arandt.

This response was unsatisfying to me, as it didn't actually address anything we mentioned in our letters. Tim also left a mobile phone number, so today I called it and had a chat to him. We had a pleasant enough conversation, well, debate. I will summarize what his argument was.

• There are plenty of other companies making similar soft porn t-shirts.
• There is a market for the shirts- teenagers want to buy them.
• They do not believe in censorship of any kind.
• They are acting within the bounds of the law.
• They actually already removed some of the worst offending shirts, including those with drug references, suicidal references, and some kind of machine gun shirt.
• Kids already see porn everywhere.
• The shirts are not aimed at children (as consumers).
• It should be up to parents to decide what they will allow their kids to wear- and he also thinks the shirts are distasteful and would not let his teenage sons wear them.

Some fair points. I also shared some additional ideas.

While there may be other companies doing it, and regardless if there are teenagers who will pay for them, these images are distasteful and offensive, and as a corporation they should act responsibly- and pornographic, sexist images and slogans are not that.

As for the freedom of speech/censorship issue (which always comes up)- he said "I don't believe in censorship." I agreed education and discussion is important, especially for young people who need to learn to think critically for themselves. And I don't think teenagers are stupid, but I do think they are bombarded by a hyper-sexualised culture and become desensitised.

I asked him if he did not believe in censorship, would he think it was appropriate to put racist slogans on a t-shirt. He said if someone chooses to wear a shirt with the word 'Nigger' across it, he should be free to. (Question: Then am I free to smack said person?) While I agreed that people should be free to wear what they choose, I pointed out that by designing and manufacturing these shirts, they are not just allowing people to choose to wear offensive clothing, but providing the offensive clothing for those stupid enough to wear them. There is a difference there.

I quote Melinda Tankard Reist, author and activist for women's issues, "Free speech shouldn't mean hate speech. Free speech should be fair speech."

I agree that kids do see soft porn all the time. The public sphere is covered in it. This is damaging to their natural development. Children when faced with adult, sexual material do not have the emotional maturity to process it and make accurate judgments about it as an adult might. It gives them false ideas about what it means to be a man, or a woman and qualities that are considered the most valuable i.e. being hot, thin and sexy. They should be free not to have this material imposed on them, as should I, and anyone else who chooses not to participate in viewing pornography.

AND- the fact that kids are already exposed to pornography doesn't make it okay to manufacture pornographic t-shirts too. I can choose not to allow my children to watch video hits, and control their internet use (as they become older) but a t-shirt is a walking billboard. Regardless of the age group these shirts are intended for, they are t-shirts! I have seen many of them as I am out and about, just as children will as young men wear them out in public. I can not choose to not see them, my choice has been taken away.

I agreed with him that to a large extent parents are responsible for what they allow their children to wear/watch etc, and I do prevent my children from watching or seeing certain inappropriate material. But I'm not that naive, when my kids are teenagers, who are they going to want to listen to? Their friends, or their Mummy? Especially when a lot of things (like stylish clothing) is specifically marketed to them as desirable, cool, and necessary to show off their identity? Plus, once again...they are t-shirts! If I want to keep them from seeing a t-shirt someone is wearing, I will have to lock them away in a tower or something. (Yes, I just watched Tangled.) And what about the kids whose parents aren't so vigilant?

The fact that he acknowledges the t-shirts are distasteful and he would not let his own children wear them indicates pretty clearly to me that the shirts are offensive, but the fact that they would still defend their right to sell products like this also clearly indicates they are profitable!

Retail Therapy: Why in all likelihood I will now need therapy (A true story)

I bought my last pair of bathers about 3 years ago. You know what I have been wearing to the beach lately? My gym shorts and a singlet. Not good for the ego. So, Dave and I decided to brave the post-Christmas sales so that I could get some new bathers.

(Wait, should I be unpacking boxes, or finding the toilet paper or something?...Meh. Anyway, bathers.)

We went to a few department stores with no luck, and ended up in a surf store. (I know what you're thinking, BAD MOVE!) I disappeared into the fitting rooms with a few clothing items and sufficeth to say, I left the shopping centre in tears.

My lovely husband reassured me that I am beautiful and not overweight, and reminded me that many clothing stores design clothes for a body type only a small percentage of the female population naturally has. Then he said, "You know this already. You tell me this."

It's a funny thing, after having my first two children, I returned to my previous weight within a matter of months, but after my third child, I haven't....and I feel the need to admit this almost apologetically, like I should say "But I will, soon," or provide a reasonable excuse as to why I have not bounced back before hitting the one year mark.

Today, I had some free time (what's that, right?) so I was browsing through a local op-shop. My shopping 'standards' have changed since I got married...and poorer. When I was single (for that whole 4 months or something, haha) I was a bit pickier, and thought I was too good for shops like Big W and Kmart. Time has passed and now I will almost take anything.

My op shop standards are that it must look vaguely decent for starters, a good brand name or store is helpful but not essential, however- it must not have a tag inside that reads "Crossroads", "Veryberry", "Girlpower" or anything else stupid, and it must not be bigger than a size 12. This is just a weird mental issue I have. It's not that anyone would even know if I bought something in a bigger size. It would require me to acknowledge that I am now heavier than usual. I would rather go without than buy a piece of clothing that fits and is larger than a size 12. I've always been about a size 10-12,so to shift now would require me to shift my whole perception of myself.

Here is where I would typically include some kind of rant about stupid ideal body types and how I want to be happy with and accepting of my body. Hypocritical much?

I want to develop a healthy body image, which I have never really had- but all I can think about is, once I am skinny, I'll develop a healthy body image.

Still working on it.

Caitlin's clever counsel regarding the purchasing and wearing of granny panties

(Seeing as how I am an expert on the subject....)

This piece of underwear can get you through unfortunate bloating phases during the month, those post-ice cream binge mornings, and many other fun events where you would prefer not being asked "how far along" you are. (I am an expert on all of the above.) From my experience, it can also get you through the first decade after having children...yes, my oldest is four.

Tip #1. Granny panties, or as I fondly call them, "sucky-inny undies", cos that's what they do, need to be made of binding material. This is a given.

Tip #2. They need to go a lot higher up your torso than regular undies, just a few cm below your bra.. If they are made of a binding material but only go a few cm higher than regular undies, you will get the tell tale bulge that says "I tried to hide my bulge and I failed". Been there.

Tip #3. Be aware of clothing choices that may reveal granny panties, e.g. should you bend over and your shirt rides up at the back. This is a rather embarrassing wardrobe malfunction.

Tip #4. For toilet breaks, I recommend press studs down there. That, or a disabled toilet with a LOT of space for wriggling, and preferably no audience.

Tip #5. While we are on the subject of press studs, you may feel more secure wearing some tiny undies underneath, for the occasions where you make a sudden move, actually make that any move, and you hear "Pop Pop Pop" and realize it is more breezy at this wedding/work function/church service than you had anticipated.

That is all.

I have nothing to wear....

It has been 5 months since I gave birth to my third child Sophia. I put on the most weight with her and am losing it very slowly...so slow in fact the numbers on the scale are currently staying the same... So this creates a dilemma. On the one hand, I was fully prepared to be patient and wait it out, and then get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, some of which I bought just before getting pregnant and have never even worn (including a trenchcoat)! It seemed pointless to buy new clothes that I would hopefully only be wearing for a few months, until I was back to my regular size.

However, here I am, 5 months later, with 12 kg still to go. I think by the time I lose the weight it will be the wrong season to wear all those new clothes I never got to wear! And the clothes I am wearing now look really hideous. My jeans are all wrinkly and kind of baggy, most of my shirts don't comfortably fit over my bust, and my maternity clothes are too big. Plus, all of the shirts that I squeezed into while pregnant are now very stretched- so most of the time I look like a hobo. This bothers me.

Trying to get dressed up for church or to go out somewhere nice is the WORST. I can't just wear jeans and a top, I have to actually reach into my wardrobe and pull out a top and a bottom that vaguely match, or in which the styles work together. And chances are, my maternity bra made out of the most beautiful grandma-style lace you have ever been forced to wear, will be sticking out the top by about 3 cm. And shoes! Why buy shoes to go with certain styles of clothing when you have basically been pregnant for the last 5 years and stopped noticing clothes that aren't sack shaped?

Did I mention I am also poor. As if I'm going to spend money on clothes when I keep planning on losing weight, like any day now.

Please feel free to share your hints and secrets of dressing after pregnancy, because after three times I still haven't figured it out!!