Why are we depressed?

Living in the 21st century, our lives are very different to generations of the past. We have so many modern conveniences and luxuries that in many ways our lives could be considered easier now. We live in comfortable homes and have limitless options available to us. So why is it that so many of us are taking antidepressant medication?

I am a young woman who has found myself in a similar circumstance. I am very blessed to have a wonderful loving husband and three beautiful, if not insane, children. So why have I been depressed?

I have started reading a very interesting book called The Depression Cure, by Stephen S Ilardi. He is a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Kansas and has treated many patients for depression using what he refers to as TLC (Therapeutic Lifestyle Change). I find the more I read of this book, the more I am nodding in agreeance at his logical advice.

Dr/Professor Ilardi makes the following point-that while the risk of depression is increasing in western countries, depression occurs significantly less in developing countries, and that among the Amish, and in some tribes who still live a hunter-gatherer type lifestyle, depression is almost non-existent. He attributes this to the fact that the human body was not designed to live the sedentary, fast paced lifestyle we have become accustomed to now, and that the way that humans used to live before industrialisation was an 'antidepressant' lifestyle. It included the six factors he discusses in his book as helping to cure depression.

This made perfect sense to me. Think about the way we live now, driving everywhere and watching TV, sitting in front of computers, and having access to junk food all the time. Or, in circumstances where husbands and wives are both required to work to achieve financial stability. If you were living in a tribe, you would be on your feet walking around looking for food to hunt to keep you alive. We wouldn't spend so much time alone, and isolated from each other by technology.

The six elements Ilardi referred to are:

- Dietary omega 3 fatty acids (very important in brain structure and function, eaten in abundance by former generations, and significantly less by us)
-Engaging activity
- Physical exercise (consider a modern sedentary lifestyle and compare it to hunter/gatherer lifestyle)
-Sunlight exposure
-Social support
-Sleep

Think about it- if you are a very new mother, for example, chances are you won't be involved in much of any of these. Time for cooking nutritious meals and exercise and sleep is out of your control often enough. And I know there have definitely been some days earlier this year after I had my third child I would realise I literally had not walked outside, even to the letterbox, in days. Combine that with little sleep and nothing to do apart from child care duties, of course I was going to lose it!

Exercise is what saves me. On weekday mornings, I go to the gym around 530 in the morning and lift weights or run. It completely lifts my mood and energises me for the rest of the day.

I would definitely recommend this book to anybody, whether they have struggled with depression, or want to prevent it....or really, anyone!

Moments & the facebook status experiment

A few weeks ago my husband suggested I have a tendency to be negative. I responded that while sometimes I complain too much and can be negative, it is not as bad as he makes it out to be. So we did a little experiment. The "Facebook Status Experiment". He pulled out a notepad and a pen, and started to make a tally of how many of my status updates were positive, or negative.

e.g. Friday. "Whenever I leave the room, baby starts the search for me in the kitchen. Hmm..."
My husband says, "Negative." And marks it off.
"What??? That's just me joking around. You just don't get my awesome sense of humour."

Next.
"Public Holiday style big breakfast...Bacon, eggs, fresh fruit, pancakes...om nom nom!"
"Positive." (I should think so!! Mmmm...bacon...)

"Caitlin...is experiencing the difficulties associated with being loved too much! My baby follows me EVERYWHERE, i can never distract her for a minute. I guess she has picked up on my awesomeness!"
"Negative."
"What are you talking about!! That isn't negative! I'm just joking around! You so don't understand my awesomeness!"

From there on, I started skipping updates I thought he would unfairly judge as negative. (Cheating...perhaps.) According to his tally the list came out pretty even. So I am trying to be aware of being overly negative. But give me a break, I have three kids under five, and....yeah that's pretty much it.

So here's to sharing some positivity!

Yesterday was Friday. Friday is the day of the week I most look forward to because my two oldest children go to daycare, and I stay home with baby and try to rest, do errands, catch up on housework and have general Caitlin time. Imagine me and baby standing on the driveway waving bye bye to the rest of the family, and as they drive away, me saying to baby,"PARTY TIME!" and squealing and swirling around excitedly.

Then comes time for my sacred Friday ritual.

I plonk baby in her high chair, fire up the stove top, and sing really loud to music by Bon Jovi ("If you were in theeeese ar-rmmmms"), Beyonce, Wolfmother, Glee cast (anything that is fun to sing really loud) while I make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and baby laughs at my moves. Next I eat my yummy pancakes while watching The Office (and I turn it REALLY loud because nobody will stop me). Then I have a long luxurious shower and wash my hair while baby sits in her high chair in the bathroom with me to keep her happy. As soon as she is ready for a morning nap, I put her down, and then collapse into my own bed which is so lovely and cool and comfy and I spread out like a starfish since I don't have to share with anyone. Sighhhh...I sleep until baby wakes up, and generally save any chores until I think uh oh, kids will be home soon! After such a lovely day, I am then feeling awake and revived, and I am delighted to see them, and I love to play with them and hear all about their day.

I am reminded of a quote by M. Russell Ballard that seems applicable to me.
"Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction."

I think after having a little break, or some time in there to enjoy my baby one on one, as she crawls all over me, laughing and trying to suck on my face, I can be aware of those moments. It's times like these when I am cuddling my baby girl and I know she loves me so very much that I realize I am having one of those moments.

And who can resist that face?

Please, please, please, let me get what I want...sleep!

When you have a new baby, you expect to be up for long periods during the night, and having broken sleep, and being exhausted in general. Then (hopefully) after several months, things get better in the sleep department, and your baby will maybe 'sleep through' and you will get more sleep, even if it is broken sleep.

Many new mums will tell you sleep deprivation is very effective torture. I completely agree. It is amazing how messed up your head can be when you have been days without real sleep, and how logical you can be after catching up. Logical according to my standards, not my husband's, which are very very incredibly high.

I often have found after having a new baby, that I would be surprised at how well I could cope on so little sleep- for a few days. Then I would lose it. Then, I would once again surprise myself at how well I was coping without sleep (except for that meltdown, of course) and I continue doing okay, not as good as normal, of course, but okay, until the next meltdown....and the cycle continues.

I think the reason that between 'episodes' I maintained a vague level of normalcy is because after having a baby you fully expect to get very little sleep, and that you will sleep at any opportunity you can, prioritizing it over housework or cooking. But when I don't have any reason to expect to be sleep deprived, it hits me so much harder.

So fast forward to the present day, and I now have three children. None of them are newborn babies anymore, and they all at one point mastered sleeping through the night, and even at some stages sleeping right through the night, from about 7-7 (woohoo!) So how is it that I get no sleep anymore?

My husband has been away for almost a week, and I am soooooo relieved he comes back early tomorrow morning. With my husband home, there is someone to share kid duty with during the night- and when I say share, taking turns pretending to be asleep and getting elbowed by the other saying, "Your turn!" With my husband away, I have been solely responsible for our kids, who on a typical night wake up twice each. You do the math. So on any given night, I have been up six times. And let's not forget the extra fun stuff, like a teething baby, or a vomiting toddler who refuses to use a bucket and left a trail from one end of the house to the other, oh yeah, and that big one who wets his bed about every second night, sometimes twice in one night.

The alarm goes off and I scrunch up my face and think "Seriously??? Time to wake up? I didn't get any sleep yet!" Then I wake up and see a giant pile of extra washing, covered in vomit and pee and remember all the things I have to do that day before I can go back to bed again that night.

I love my bed. It is my happy place. I have become one of those people who collapses into bed at the end of the day and makes an audible noise, an internal sigh signifying both frustration and relief, like an old person. I have fallen asleep at the movies (like my Mum!!)

Oh yes, and somewhere in there I am supposed to find extra energy for working out, housework, being energetic with my kids and something to stimulate my mind and wake it up from its zombie like state.

I'm so looking forward to my husband coming home! But if he walks in and says "I'm SO tired..." I may just throw one of those children who is still awake at him.