Professional + Mummy = Oxymoron?

Sometimes I say to my husband, "You don't know what it's like to be home with the kids ALL THE TIME." I describe the often frustrating cycle of cleaning a room, as the children destroy another room. Or working for hours trying to 'get on top of the housework', thinking that at some point the house will be tidy, complete, and all that will be necessary is to maintain. I am yet to reach such a point, and highly doubt this point even exists before the youngest child is in full-time school (and even then...)

Or the constant stickiness, and the food in my hair (weet-bix is the worst!) and pulling on clothes that may not fit properly, or look like they were stolen from a hobo, and throwing my hair back into a ponytail. Seriously, I have seen babies that are better dressed than me. This is a very real concern!

There were days last year when it was school holidays and Sophia was still a pretty new baby, where it would get to the evening and I would go outside to empty the bin or check the mail, and I would look around and think, 'Huh, it rained today' or something, and realize I hadn't been out of my house, even to the letterbox, for a couple of days.

Back to my original point, I tell my husband he doesn't know what my role as stay at home mother is like, and he reminds me that I don't know what his role as 'bacon-getter' is like, because I've never had a full-time outside the home job.

He suggested awhile ago that I get back into some music teaching. I have been giving private music lessons since I was seventeen, and I actually quite enjoy it. I have met some awesome and talented young musicians and had a lot of fun with them. About two years ago we moved to another town, and with two small children and another on the way, I decided it was time for a break. A few weeks back, though, I decided life has calmed down enough for me to start thinking about starting up again.

Here's where it gets interesting- I somehow managed to get a part time job teaching piano and vocal lessons at a local private school (without so much as an interview, oh yeahhh!) and am finding myself actually being chased down by other schools looking for music teachers, which are apparently rare in this town. So here I am with more work than I can take being offered.

Maybe the first consideration should be the content of my lessons, or possible programs for Years 4-7 students...but let's be honest, my first thought was one of panic- Oh dear, I have to appear professional! No more food in my hair, no more havaianas, but ironed, smart casual teacher clothing. (Second thought was about programming.) I since took the opportunity to disappear off to the shopping centre and purchase a bunch of clothes (and while I was there, the complete series of Daria) much to my husband's shock. I usually come home fairly empty handed, mumbling about requiring practical shoes etc. Not this time!

Also thinking I could use some new make-up. It's been about two years since I really bought any decent make-up. And if I'm thinking about make-up, maybe I should be getting my hair all fancied up too. All in the name of appearing professional, of course. Both of these things don't typically fall under the realm of mother attire (at least in my world) so one could assume they are a part of being a working woman. And I think I could do with some new pants, too. You can't go to work with no pants.

My husband said if I wanted to work full time he would quit his job today. Sound like Lynette and Tom, season two of Desperate Housewives? Haha. In a way, that sounds....interesting.

Taking two hours to get the "I just rolled out of bed" hairstyle

I stumbled across this youtube video a few nights ago after entering "Men at Work, Land down under" into the search engine. (??) Anyway my husband and I couldn't help but just keep watching and laughing at how absurd it all was. Basically, a woman starts off with hair that appears to have been blow-dried straight, and then proceeds the curl it with hot rollers which she leaves in for twenty minutes, go through section after section, teasing it up and spraying it with hairspray, and concludes by clipping on her fake hair...to achieve the "natural" look. At the end, she ties a dainty plait in her hair to make it look more "beachy".

The time, products and effort that go into achieving what supposedly appears to be effortlessly beautiful hair seem so laughable from this angle (the angle of watching someone else do it!), but I can't help but feel a little sad that so many of us women want to look like someone else.

Retail Therapy: Why in all likelihood I will now need therapy (A true story)

I bought my last pair of bathers about 3 years ago. You know what I have been wearing to the beach lately? My gym shorts and a singlet. Not good for the ego. So, Dave and I decided to brave the post-Christmas sales so that I could get some new bathers.

(Wait, should I be unpacking boxes, or finding the toilet paper or something?...Meh. Anyway, bathers.)

We went to a few department stores with no luck, and ended up in a surf store. (I know what you're thinking, BAD MOVE!) I disappeared into the fitting rooms with a few clothing items and sufficeth to say, I left the shopping centre in tears.

My lovely husband reassured me that I am beautiful and not overweight, and reminded me that many clothing stores design clothes for a body type only a small percentage of the female population naturally has. Then he said, "You know this already. You tell me this."

It's a funny thing, after having my first two children, I returned to my previous weight within a matter of months, but after my third child, I haven't....and I feel the need to admit this almost apologetically, like I should say "But I will, soon," or provide a reasonable excuse as to why I have not bounced back before hitting the one year mark.

Today, I had some free time (what's that, right?) so I was browsing through a local op-shop. My shopping 'standards' have changed since I got married...and poorer. When I was single (for that whole 4 months or something, haha) I was a bit pickier, and thought I was too good for shops like Big W and Kmart. Time has passed and now I will almost take anything.

My op shop standards are that it must look vaguely decent for starters, a good brand name or store is helpful but not essential, however- it must not have a tag inside that reads "Crossroads", "Veryberry", "Girlpower" or anything else stupid, and it must not be bigger than a size 12. This is just a weird mental issue I have. It's not that anyone would even know if I bought something in a bigger size. It would require me to acknowledge that I am now heavier than usual. I would rather go without than buy a piece of clothing that fits and is larger than a size 12. I've always been about a size 10-12,so to shift now would require me to shift my whole perception of myself.

Here is where I would typically include some kind of rant about stupid ideal body types and how I want to be happy with and accepting of my body. Hypocritical much?

I want to develop a healthy body image, which I have never really had- but all I can think about is, once I am skinny, I'll develop a healthy body image.

Still working on it.

You are unique, just like everybody else!

That was then.

This is now!

NOW I actually have a desire for real health, despite what my weight or dress size is, or how I look. I am done wasting my time feeling not good enough. This doesn't mean I am giving in to my appetite, and "letting myself go". It means I am going to start being kind to myself. This includes:

• Aiming to do 1-2 sessions of strength training (weights) a week (I actually quite enjoy this)
• Challenging myself by starting to run! I have never been able to just run without stopping before, and two weeks ago I started, I pushed myself, and now I am able to run 4km in 27 minutes (not that fast but not the point). The point is I am trying to improve my cardiovascular fitness in a new way. I would like to do this twice a week.
• Going to bed earlier, getting enough sleep.
• Having a balanced diet. I am not ruling out food groups or counting calories, I am just trying to be sensible.
• Contemplating putting my scales away...this is hard...but seriously contemplating. This way my happiness does not depend on a number on a scale.
• Reminding myself that I am beautiful just the way my Heavenly Father intended me to be. He gave me a functional body to house my spirit and I should be striving for health so I can look after that body. This doesn't mean that I don't care about my appearance any more and I can just become obese- my body, properly taken care of, should be of a healthy weight.
• And of course, the most important (saved for last)- remembering that what I look like is not even the point! Yes, I am a 25 year old girl who is not going to rid herself of vanity completely, but I am a worthwhile human being, regardless of my appearance! I have a lot to offer and a lot to accomplish.

I am still someone who will be always striving for growth and improvement, and I have a lot still to learn. However, now I will not be wasting my time and energy on negative thoughts or things that will pull me down. I have to spend my energy on things that are of more significance...like my family!

Speaking of my family, I am going to stop modeling a poor self image that my children will start to become aware of. I will start to demonstrate healthy self esteem, and teach them that they are special and unique. We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. Every one of us has immeasurable value.

"I just want to aim for health...once I lose 12 kg."

Yes, I said that. And I said it in all seriousness. Once I have lost enough weight and look perfect, then I'll stop obsessing about my body and my looks and appearance, because then I will such a healthy body image.

Ha!

I remember thinking I was fat in Year 7. I don't know what that was about, but I weighed at most 35 kg, and as a child I was actually this odd looking skinny kid.

Around the time I started high school, there was a whole lot of fuss in the media about "shrinking celebrities". Think Lara Flynn Boyle, Helen Hunt, Jennifer Aniston, Calista Flockhart etc slimming down quite noticeably. The idea was that their bodies were so petite that their figure was like that of a pre-pubescent boy, with their head like a lollipop at the top of a stick. While all this was going on, I was beginning puberty and my body was changing. So it was then that I started to notice different shapes, and decide what was fat, and what was skinny. I am not saying that all the celebrities shown in the media are completely responsible for my unhealthy attitudes towards my body, but I do think it was relevant considering the timing for me.

Since then, I have grown up and taken more control over my body- my eating habits, my exercise regime. I completed a course in personal training that was more for my own interest than a desire to work as a personal trainer. I have had three children in three and a half years, so think...gain lots of weight, slowly lose it, get pregnant again, gain lots of weight, slowly lose it, get pregnant again...you get the idea. Pregnancy, breast feeding and spending my time caring for my children has resulted in a lot of frustration and stress and time spent thinking about my body and what exactly is wrong with it. I would feel so guilty if I missed a work out or ate junk food, and I would let these things weigh me down and ruin my day. I have put so much energy into thinking that my life would be perfect, and I would be perfect, if I could just be skinny. Being skinny= happiness.

Right?

I have nothing to wear....

It has been 5 months since I gave birth to my third child Sophia. I put on the most weight with her and am losing it very slowly...so slow in fact the numbers on the scale are currently staying the same... So this creates a dilemma. On the one hand, I was fully prepared to be patient and wait it out, and then get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, some of which I bought just before getting pregnant and have never even worn (including a trenchcoat)! It seemed pointless to buy new clothes that I would hopefully only be wearing for a few months, until I was back to my regular size.

However, here I am, 5 months later, with 12 kg still to go. I think by the time I lose the weight it will be the wrong season to wear all those new clothes I never got to wear! And the clothes I am wearing now look really hideous. My jeans are all wrinkly and kind of baggy, most of my shirts don't comfortably fit over my bust, and my maternity clothes are too big. Plus, all of the shirts that I squeezed into while pregnant are now very stretched- so most of the time I look like a hobo. This bothers me.

Trying to get dressed up for church or to go out somewhere nice is the WORST. I can't just wear jeans and a top, I have to actually reach into my wardrobe and pull out a top and a bottom that vaguely match, or in which the styles work together. And chances are, my maternity bra made out of the most beautiful grandma-style lace you have ever been forced to wear, will be sticking out the top by about 3 cm. And shoes! Why buy shoes to go with certain styles of clothing when you have basically been pregnant for the last 5 years and stopped noticing clothes that aren't sack shaped?

Did I mention I am also poor. As if I'm going to spend money on clothes when I keep planning on losing weight, like any day now.

Please feel free to share your hints and secrets of dressing after pregnancy, because after three times I still haven't figured it out!!

Yummy Mummy? Where?

I have a confession to make.

As I get out and about through the course of my day, I notice women. These women are dressed nicely in fashionable clothing, high heels, with well applied make up, and neat, foiled, GHD styled hair. Chances are they are also toting a fancy looking handbag and some brand name sunglasses. And clearly they work out with those sculpted arms and their tiny waists- or else just have really good genes. When I see these women, I can’t help but turn my head to wistfully stare as they walk past and internally sigh, “That used to be me!”

Okay, to be fair, I was never that perfect. That would be giving myself a little too much credit. I make it sound like I was this glamorous model or something. But at one time, I did actually dress myself nicely, wear make up, and do my hair. I didn’t have all the accessories and my arms were never really sculpted. But the point is, I looked a lot different to the way I do now.

Now when I look in the mirror, I see my mass of wild hair (ever heard of Medusa?) which is usually tied back in an unattractive ball, just to get out of my face. My eyebrows and eyelashes are pale, overdue for a tint. I have dark circles beneath my sunken eyes and no make up on my face. And that’s just my head!

I suppose it is only natural for self -esteem to take a nose dive in these circumstances. Maybe you are wondering what could possibly account for this transformation? In case you haven’t figured it out already, I’ll tell you: Motherhood!

I am doing the most important job in the world, and I believe, the hardest. I am 25 years old raising my three crazy pre-school age children without a whole lot of knowledge on the subject, and this doesn’t leave much time for me, particularly for personal grooming and exercise.

Don’t judge me.