Retail Therapy: Why in all likelihood I will now need therapy (A true story)

I bought my last pair of bathers about 3 years ago. You know what I have been wearing to the beach lately? My gym shorts and a singlet. Not good for the ego. So, Dave and I decided to brave the post-Christmas sales so that I could get some new bathers.

(Wait, should I be unpacking boxes, or finding the toilet paper or something?...Meh. Anyway, bathers.)

We went to a few department stores with no luck, and ended up in a surf store. (I know what you're thinking, BAD MOVE!) I disappeared into the fitting rooms with a few clothing items and sufficeth to say, I left the shopping centre in tears.

My lovely husband reassured me that I am beautiful and not overweight, and reminded me that many clothing stores design clothes for a body type only a small percentage of the female population naturally has. Then he said, "You know this already. You tell me this."

It's a funny thing, after having my first two children, I returned to my previous weight within a matter of months, but after my third child, I haven't....and I feel the need to admit this almost apologetically, like I should say "But I will, soon," or provide a reasonable excuse as to why I have not bounced back before hitting the one year mark.

Today, I had some free time (what's that, right?) so I was browsing through a local op-shop. My shopping 'standards' have changed since I got married...and poorer. When I was single (for that whole 4 months or something, haha) I was a bit pickier, and thought I was too good for shops like Big W and Kmart. Time has passed and now I will almost take anything.

My op shop standards are that it must look vaguely decent for starters, a good brand name or store is helpful but not essential, however- it must not have a tag inside that reads "Crossroads", "Veryberry", "Girlpower" or anything else stupid, and it must not be bigger than a size 12. This is just a weird mental issue I have. It's not that anyone would even know if I bought something in a bigger size. It would require me to acknowledge that I am now heavier than usual. I would rather go without than buy a piece of clothing that fits and is larger than a size 12. I've always been about a size 10-12,so to shift now would require me to shift my whole perception of myself.

Here is where I would typically include some kind of rant about stupid ideal body types and how I want to be happy with and accepting of my body. Hypocritical much?

I want to develop a healthy body image, which I have never really had- but all I can think about is, once I am skinny, I'll develop a healthy body image.

Still working on it.

Rant rant rant...

I hadn't watched music videos since I was a teenager, and even then I had to admit they seemed overly sexual. Earlier this year, I joined my local gym. There are several TV sets mounted on the wall. One of them is always set to the music video channel, and while using cardio machines you can't help but get bored and look around, and check out what is on the different TVs. I have been stunned with what is shown and possibly even more stunned at the fact that nobody appeared to have a problem with this. It seems like just anything goes, as long as it is under the premise of "music video".

What I am seeing is softcore pornography. I see many ideals promoted that I strongly disagree with.

In music videos, women are scantily clad . They dance, grind and gyrate in a sexual way (is there another way??), they are submissive to men and appear happy to be used for sex. And they do all this while still looking glamourous, thin and hot.

If I am to take as gospel what I have learned from music videos then it is this:

• Casual sex/hook up sex is glamourous and everyone does it.
• A woman's place on earth is to please men sexually.
• Women are submissive to men- and women LOVE this. They always seem to be happy, right?
• Gang rape is hot, and also what women want.
• Sex is meaningless and should be detached.
• Being thin and hot comes above all else.

As a young woman who has spent enough time obsessing about her appearance, I know better than to take in what is being put out there. But I'm not immune. I too can be a little sucked in. 'If only I looked that hot, my life would be perfect.' Luckily I do know better most of the time.

Too bad for the adolescents who don't.

Check this trailer out. It looks very interesting.

WARNING: It is confronting, please be aware.

Yummy Mummy? Where?

I have a confession to make.

As I get out and about through the course of my day, I notice women. These women are dressed nicely in fashionable clothing, high heels, with well applied make up, and neat, foiled, GHD styled hair. Chances are they are also toting a fancy looking handbag and some brand name sunglasses. And clearly they work out with those sculpted arms and their tiny waists- or else just have really good genes. When I see these women, I can’t help but turn my head to wistfully stare as they walk past and internally sigh, “That used to be me!”

Okay, to be fair, I was never that perfect. That would be giving myself a little too much credit. I make it sound like I was this glamorous model or something. But at one time, I did actually dress myself nicely, wear make up, and do my hair. I didn’t have all the accessories and my arms were never really sculpted. But the point is, I looked a lot different to the way I do now.

Now when I look in the mirror, I see my mass of wild hair (ever heard of Medusa?) which is usually tied back in an unattractive ball, just to get out of my face. My eyebrows and eyelashes are pale, overdue for a tint. I have dark circles beneath my sunken eyes and no make up on my face. And that’s just my head!

I suppose it is only natural for self -esteem to take a nose dive in these circumstances. Maybe you are wondering what could possibly account for this transformation? In case you haven’t figured it out already, I’ll tell you: Motherhood!

I am doing the most important job in the world, and I believe, the hardest. I am 25 years old raising my three crazy pre-school age children without a whole lot of knowledge on the subject, and this doesn’t leave much time for me, particularly for personal grooming and exercise.

Don’t judge me.