Is it just my kids?

One of my current challenges with Jack and Isabel is regarding the appropriate use of the toilet. No Jack, it does not double as washing machine. Isabel, your Eeyore probably doesn't need to sit on the toilet. (Not that it matters now anyway since she has him in nappies. And yes you thought right, Eeyore is a donkey.)

This kind of thing is not really the problem. The problem is that they don't use the toilet when they actually should have. Jack has realized he has the ability to pee anywhere, and Isabel is young and impressionable and if Jack does it, that's good enough for her. This, combined with accidents and bedwetting, means that a large percentage of my life is spent washing sheets, clothing that was peed on, airing out Jack's mattress, scrubbing carpets and laying down old towels on the tiles.

Jack somehow got an idea in his head that any hole, anywhere, counts as a toilet. This includes the drain on the bathroom floor, a hole he has dug outside, or his 'outside toilet'. He actually made a special place outside to pee. We have a toilet!! Two toilets, to be clear! Why does he insist on going outside? And to make this situation even better, Isabel has started copying him. I'll catch her squatting on the lawn (and she's doing number twos). The neighbours must love what they hear from my backyard. "Isabel...what are you- argh!! No!! Isabel! That's what the toilet is for!" followed by "Mummy, why are there flies?"

And let's not forget the indoor incidents. Think same thing, but on the carpet. Randomly pulling her pants down, squatting, and pooing on the floor. It's like she is actually choosing the comfort of her own lounge room! Lounge room, or next to the shower, when I am in the shower...

I think today Jack exceeded all of my expectations as I picked him up from kindy. He was playing on the playground and I started to head over, as I noticed he had dropped his pants and was peeing, midstream, in front of children, parents, EVERYONE, at pick up time. Realizing I was already too late, I hid. I needed to preserve doubt that it was my kid (again). When he pulled his pants back up, I peeked my head out from behind the slide and whispered loudly,"Jack! Come here!" I waited for him to come and then we hurried off and escaped.

So, my question would be- is it just my kids?

Battle of the bulge

Now that I have children, and my time is no longer my own, my options for exercising are: when the kids are asleep, so basically….never.

Do I sound like I have given up? I haven’t! I am still trying hard. I know the frustration that comes from pausing my cardio workout every 2 minutes to give a baby back her dummy, or to pull my toddlers off each other, or stop them ramming their bikes into the baby’s bassinet. I know how awkward it is to hold an infant in your arms as you sit pedalling madly on a stationary bike (and did I mention ridiculously hot, like clutching a hot water bottle?) I have stayed up late, or gotten up at 5 am in order to have some quiet time to exercise at home, or to go for a run before the kids wake up.

I can also be seen walking with my double pram and a Baby Bjorn sling strapped to my chest doing the kindy run. That’s got to be effective going up hills. And let’s not forget my efforts to do yoga from a DVD at home with a toddler plonked on my lap and then ”riding horsey” as I attempted down dog stance. But I have not given up yet, all this opposition is making me more determined!

Surely all the running around I do will help me lose the baby weight, others suggest. Really, some days I don’t stop and sit down until the afternoon when the kids are having a nap, and even then, sometimes I will still be trying to get some jobs done. I am rushed and sweaty and tired. But on those days, when the kids do actually have a nap, the first thing I want to do is make a mad dash to the fridge. Woohoo! Quiet time! A chance to eat by myself without Isabel hopping up onto the table, fluttering her eyelashes and saying,” Can I like some toooooooo?” Now where is the most chocolatey, fattening, forbidden thing I can find? And if I can’t find anything, then where is the cooking chocolate that will suffice?

So anyway, how is it I haven’t lost the weight yet???

Yummy Mummy? Where?

I have a confession to make.

As I get out and about through the course of my day, I notice women. These women are dressed nicely in fashionable clothing, high heels, with well applied make up, and neat, foiled, GHD styled hair. Chances are they are also toting a fancy looking handbag and some brand name sunglasses. And clearly they work out with those sculpted arms and their tiny waists- or else just have really good genes. When I see these women, I can’t help but turn my head to wistfully stare as they walk past and internally sigh, “That used to be me!”

Okay, to be fair, I was never that perfect. That would be giving myself a little too much credit. I make it sound like I was this glamorous model or something. But at one time, I did actually dress myself nicely, wear make up, and do my hair. I didn’t have all the accessories and my arms were never really sculpted. But the point is, I looked a lot different to the way I do now.

Now when I look in the mirror, I see my mass of wild hair (ever heard of Medusa?) which is usually tied back in an unattractive ball, just to get out of my face. My eyebrows and eyelashes are pale, overdue for a tint. I have dark circles beneath my sunken eyes and no make up on my face. And that’s just my head!

I suppose it is only natural for self -esteem to take a nose dive in these circumstances. Maybe you are wondering what could possibly account for this transformation? In case you haven’t figured it out already, I’ll tell you: Motherhood!

I am doing the most important job in the world, and I believe, the hardest. I am 25 years old raising my three crazy pre-school age children without a whole lot of knowledge on the subject, and this doesn’t leave much time for me, particularly for personal grooming and exercise.

Don’t judge me.