You are unique, just like everybody else!

That was then.

This is now!

NOW I actually have a desire for real health, despite what my weight or dress size is, or how I look. I am done wasting my time feeling not good enough. This doesn't mean I am giving in to my appetite, and "letting myself go". It means I am going to start being kind to myself. This includes:

• Aiming to do 1-2 sessions of strength training (weights) a week (I actually quite enjoy this)
• Challenging myself by starting to run! I have never been able to just run without stopping before, and two weeks ago I started, I pushed myself, and now I am able to run 4km in 27 minutes (not that fast but not the point). The point is I am trying to improve my cardiovascular fitness in a new way. I would like to do this twice a week.
• Going to bed earlier, getting enough sleep.
• Having a balanced diet. I am not ruling out food groups or counting calories, I am just trying to be sensible.
• Contemplating putting my scales away...this is hard...but seriously contemplating. This way my happiness does not depend on a number on a scale.
• Reminding myself that I am beautiful just the way my Heavenly Father intended me to be. He gave me a functional body to house my spirit and I should be striving for health so I can look after that body. This doesn't mean that I don't care about my appearance any more and I can just become obese- my body, properly taken care of, should be of a healthy weight.
• And of course, the most important (saved for last)- remembering that what I look like is not even the point! Yes, I am a 25 year old girl who is not going to rid herself of vanity completely, but I am a worthwhile human being, regardless of my appearance! I have a lot to offer and a lot to accomplish.

I am still someone who will be always striving for growth and improvement, and I have a lot still to learn. However, now I will not be wasting my time and energy on negative thoughts or things that will pull me down. I have to spend my energy on things that are of more significance...like my family!

Speaking of my family, I am going to stop modeling a poor self image that my children will start to become aware of. I will start to demonstrate healthy self esteem, and teach them that they are special and unique. We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. Every one of us has immeasurable value.

"I just want to aim for health...once I lose 12 kg."

Yes, I said that. And I said it in all seriousness. Once I have lost enough weight and look perfect, then I'll stop obsessing about my body and my looks and appearance, because then I will such a healthy body image.

Ha!

I remember thinking I was fat in Year 7. I don't know what that was about, but I weighed at most 35 kg, and as a child I was actually this odd looking skinny kid.

Around the time I started high school, there was a whole lot of fuss in the media about "shrinking celebrities". Think Lara Flynn Boyle, Helen Hunt, Jennifer Aniston, Calista Flockhart etc slimming down quite noticeably. The idea was that their bodies were so petite that their figure was like that of a pre-pubescent boy, with their head like a lollipop at the top of a stick. While all this was going on, I was beginning puberty and my body was changing. So it was then that I started to notice different shapes, and decide what was fat, and what was skinny. I am not saying that all the celebrities shown in the media are completely responsible for my unhealthy attitudes towards my body, but I do think it was relevant considering the timing for me.

Since then, I have grown up and taken more control over my body- my eating habits, my exercise regime. I completed a course in personal training that was more for my own interest than a desire to work as a personal trainer. I have had three children in three and a half years, so think...gain lots of weight, slowly lose it, get pregnant again, gain lots of weight, slowly lose it, get pregnant again...you get the idea. Pregnancy, breast feeding and spending my time caring for my children has resulted in a lot of frustration and stress and time spent thinking about my body and what exactly is wrong with it. I would feel so guilty if I missed a work out or ate junk food, and I would let these things weigh me down and ruin my day. I have put so much energy into thinking that my life would be perfect, and I would be perfect, if I could just be skinny. Being skinny= happiness.

Right?

Killing Us Softly 4: Advertising's Image of Women [Trailer]

Porn and love heart stamps

So, when I started writing this blog I thought it would be a fun way to blow off some steam about motherhood and have a laugh aboutsome of the strange things my kids get up to. Lately I've been thinking a lot about some bigger things, bigger even than children always coming into my bed, and bigger than weet bix removal.

I have been thinking about all the pornographic images and media we are faced with day after day, and how tired I am having to see it, and having to try and hide it from my children, who are 4, 2.5 and 6 months. I have been getting angry and wondering what I could actually do about it. So, after a lot of research, a lot of thinking, and conversations with anyone willing to listen, I got my first practical advice here. So tonight I wrote some letters. Below is one of them- each of them is much the same, but adapted to the recipient.

Dear Mr Murray,

My husband and I moved to Bunbury almost a year ago. My husband is David, former Manager at the local branch of BankWest. You may remember meeting him briefly. We received a letter from you in May, as our representative in State Parliament, where you said if we wished to express our views on any matter, you would be pleased to hear from us. I would like to take you up on this offer.

As a young mother of three pre-school age children, I have made and will continue to make many efforts to teach them to treat all people with compassion and respect. I want them to be able to reach their potential-for them to become educated, develop their talents and to be moral people. However, I find that by merely taking them out of our house they are exposed to the onslaught of pornographic images and media that I keep from them in my own home. I cannot take them with me into the supermarket, petrol station, newsagency or video store without them being around “soft porn”.

The damaging effects of so-called soft porn are well documented. How can I teach my son to respect women, and my daughters that they are worthy of respect, when the idea that a woman’s purpose for existing is to satisfy mens sexual appetites is normalized and even endorsed by being displayed in supermarkets, easily accessible to anyone who wants to see it (and also to those who do not).

Perhaps you are familiar with this letter below.

"To the Standing Committee of Attorneys-General Censorship Ministers".

I am writing to ask you if you support the suggestions made in this letter, and how you plan to respond. I hope you will give this issue some serious consideration. Please feel free to contact me if you wish to discuss this letter any further.

Kind regards,

Caitlin

8^th July 2010

So that is my letter. I will email where an email address is provided, but I have printed out three similar copies to send to different leaders of parliament. Upon putting them in envelopes I realized the only stamps I have are promotional Valentine's Day themed ones, so my angry letters about evil porn will have pretty swirly love hearts and flowers. But I'm okay with that.