Friday, July 30, 2010

"I just want to aim for health...once I lose 12 kg."

Yes, I said that. And I said it in all seriousness. Once I have lost enough weight and look perfect, then I'll stop obsessing about my body and my looks and appearance, because then I will such a healthy body image.


I remember thinking I was fat in Year 7. I don't know what that was about, but I weighed at most 35 kg, and as a child I was actually this odd looking skinny kid.

Around the time I started high school, there was a whole lot of fuss in the media about "shrinking celebrities". Think Lara Flynn Boyle, Helen Hunt, Jennifer Aniston, Calista Flockhart etc slimming down quite noticeably. The idea was that their bodies were so petite that their figure was like that of a pre-pubescent boy, with their head like a lollipop at the top of a stick. While all this was going on, I was beginning puberty and my body was changing. So it was then that I started to notice different shapes, and decide what was fat, and what was skinny. I am not saying that all the celebrities shown in the media are completely responsible for my unhealthy attitudes towards my body, but I do think it was relevant considering the timing for me.

Since then, I have grown up and taken more control over my body- my eating habits, my exercise regime. I completed a course in personal training that was more for my own interest than a desire to work as a personal trainer. I have had three children in three and a half years, so think...gain lots of weight, slowly lose it, get pregnant again, gain lots of weight, slowly lose it, get pregnant get the idea. Pregnancy, breast feeding and spending my time caring for my children has resulted in a lot of frustration and stress and time spent thinking about my body and what exactly is wrong with it. I would feel so guilty if I missed a work out or ate junk food, and I would let these things weigh me down and ruin my day. I have put so much energy into thinking that my life would be perfect, and I would be perfect, if I could just be skinny. Being skinny= happiness.


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