Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hi, Poisons Information Centre? It's me again.

Recent conversation between me and a friend:

Friend: I take a nap in the afternoons.

Me: How do you manage that, with the kids?

Friend: I’ll put on a DVD for them, and they’ll sit there and watch.

Me: (Stunned silence)

You mean that they’ll actually stay there watching the TV and not go off and do anything else?

Friend: Yes…..

My point here is, I could never leave my children unattended, even with an activity, and trust them not to destroy something. They have a gift.

My children can be politely described as “high energy” kids, which really means they are Destructo-children. Turn your back for a minute, be prepared to find that they have covered their face and the mirror in shaving cream, smashed some bowls, made a poo mural or gotten into the cooking chocolate. Like mother, like kids I guess. The cooking chocolate, not the other stuff. I swear I don't have a complete set of ANYTHING in my kitchen cupboard anymore.

I know what you are thinking- supervise them, woman! I promise I do. It's on those rare occasions when I try to do housework, or think they are occupied and turn my back. The thing is, you can’t watch them every second. Especially not when there are three (all running in separate directions...)

You'd think you'd be safe with them strapped into their car seats, right? All you have to do is go inside and grab something you forgot and come right back. Imagine on returning to the car, you find the kids have put coins in the CD player slot- for the second time. And all while your precious New Moon soundtrack was inside, not even 2 weeks old! Sob!

A frequent occasion for mischief will be when I sit down to breast feed Sophia. Jack will take the opportunity to empty out all the clothes from his drawers, or scribble on the wall. And sometimes, I actually have to go the toilet- but as many of you Mums know, that in no way guarantees you a break.

Add to the list coming out of bed during the night to "paint" with hot pink nail polish on Grandma and Poppy's leather couch, or while I was on hold to Centrelink, scribbling with a black permanent marker all over my parents piano. I remember my horrified screaming response to that one.

Or even sneakier, they will go down for a nap, and when I’m convinced they’re asleep, I will try to sleep too. Big mistake. That’s when Jack does his best work. Once he managed to open up, and proceed to fall out of his bedroom window. Another time when Jack was meant to be sleeping, he snuck out of his room and into his sister's room, climbed up her shelves, and found a box on top with baby products including a bottle of Dettol, that he drank. Luckily he came and told me about the "spicy medicine" he found. That is not the only time I've had to call the Poisons Information centre.

DVDs have been snapped in half, bathrooms have been flooded, my make up brushes have been used for gardening. I do find it quite entertaining how they try and mimic Mummy and Daddy, with toothpaste hair gel and shaving. One of my personal favourites, although damn annoying to clean up, was when they confused sun cream with nappy rash cream. Gold.

I have learned a lot along the way. Now, there is a lock on the kitchen pantry, and one on the fridge. The kitchen cupboards have locks, as do their toy cupboards in the playroom. The DVD cupboard has a lock, anything dangerous to ingest is at the very top shelf in the locked pantry, and there is nothing in their bedroom aside from their beds. I have also given up even trying to have a nap EVER. The problem is, I had most of this baby-proof stuff before, and they know how to work around it. I am exhausted. Plan B= Stop reproducing?

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