Day Care vs Mummy

Last night I went to a presentation for the parents of toddlers at our day care centre.They talked about the activities they did with the children and the different stages of development etc. I have to say, I am glad they are doing such a fantastic job with my children (on Fridays) and it looked like all the things they do are a lot of fun. It's nice to know your kids are having a great time while in someone else's care.

I went home and discussed it with my husband, and I felt a twinge of emotion as I admitted to him that I thought the Day Care workers were doing a better job than I actually was. My lovely husband reassured me that I am a great mother, and reminded me of some pertinent facts about the day care workers- that this is a paying job for them, it is from 9-5, and they can go home after and have time out and get a full nights sleep. All valid points, yes, but I still sometimes feel guilty. I feel like I have been eager to be a mother FOREVER, and I assumed I would be a natural the whole job. Now here I am, day after day, wondering- what do I do? Is it my job to entertain them? Or, is it to provide them a safe, entertaining environment? Should I just be playing with them, or encouraging them to play alone? Is it a little bit of everything?And where is the compromise between never-ending housework and errands and never-ending parenting? (And yes, please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas in the comments section, I am not above asking for help!)

Generally each day has a similar routine- each day is broken up by meals, breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, bedtime routine. (I use the word routine loosely- it is not set in stone.) Between meals there is kindy, naptime for baby, errands or outings, playtime at home and all the regular housework and cooking. And let's not forget that it's not unheard of from them to be up some time in the morning starting with a 5, and not unusual for me to threaten to, and follow through with, locking their bedroom door with a 'lock' fashioned out of two old BankWest ties at about 9pm.

Today I decided I was going to try to involve the kids in everything that I needed to do. We had our breakfast and we read for a bit, and played a little. Then I decided to cook our dinner in the morning, so I cut up all the vegetables etc so the kids could join in making our quiche for dinner. Then we made brownies together. There was a minor incident with an egg, as Isabel said "It got out." Translation- the 'egg' got out of the eggshell (after she dropped it on the floor). In the afternoon I tried to recruit Isabel to help me vacuum but she lost interest pretty quick. How is it at 2 she has already clicked certain things are chores and therefore not cool anymore....?

I know that I do want to encourage independence in my children, and taking responsibility, which means allowing them to try things, and do things themselves while I supervise and quietly cringe at the mess involved. I could tidy the playroom myself in less than five minutes but I insist on making them pack away their own toys, even though it takes a lot longer and is actually harder work for me, guiding everyone onto their next step. I do think helping them develop these skills will pay off in the long run.

So, I guess today was a success. My house has been vacuumed, dinner is already taken care of, I have spent time with my kids involving them in my activities and also completed all of our errands. But surely success is more than 'the house is vaguely tidy and my errands got done'. I want to enjoy my kids more, and to have more fun with them.

Moments & the facebook status experiment

A few weeks ago my husband suggested I have a tendency to be negative. I responded that while sometimes I complain too much and can be negative, it is not as bad as he makes it out to be. So we did a little experiment. The "Facebook Status Experiment". He pulled out a notepad and a pen, and started to make a tally of how many of my status updates were positive, or negative.

e.g. Friday. "Whenever I leave the room, baby starts the search for me in the kitchen. Hmm..."
My husband says, "Negative." And marks it off.
"What??? That's just me joking around. You just don't get my awesome sense of humour."

Next.
"Public Holiday style big breakfast...Bacon, eggs, fresh fruit, pancakes...om nom nom!"
"Positive." (I should think so!! Mmmm...bacon...)

"Caitlin...is experiencing the difficulties associated with being loved too much! My baby follows me EVERYWHERE, i can never distract her for a minute. I guess she has picked up on my awesomeness!"
"Negative."
"What are you talking about!! That isn't negative! I'm just joking around! You so don't understand my awesomeness!"

From there on, I started skipping updates I thought he would unfairly judge as negative. (Cheating...perhaps.) According to his tally the list came out pretty even. So I am trying to be aware of being overly negative. But give me a break, I have three kids under five, and....yeah that's pretty much it.

So here's to sharing some positivity!

Yesterday was Friday. Friday is the day of the week I most look forward to because my two oldest children go to daycare, and I stay home with baby and try to rest, do errands, catch up on housework and have general Caitlin time. Imagine me and baby standing on the driveway waving bye bye to the rest of the family, and as they drive away, me saying to baby,"PARTY TIME!" and squealing and swirling around excitedly.

Then comes time for my sacred Friday ritual.

I plonk baby in her high chair, fire up the stove top, and sing really loud to music by Bon Jovi ("If you were in theeeese ar-rmmmms"), Beyonce, Wolfmother, Glee cast (anything that is fun to sing really loud) while I make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and baby laughs at my moves. Next I eat my yummy pancakes while watching The Office (and I turn it REALLY loud because nobody will stop me). Then I have a long luxurious shower and wash my hair while baby sits in her high chair in the bathroom with me to keep her happy. As soon as she is ready for a morning nap, I put her down, and then collapse into my own bed which is so lovely and cool and comfy and I spread out like a starfish since I don't have to share with anyone. Sighhhh...I sleep until baby wakes up, and generally save any chores until I think uh oh, kids will be home soon! After such a lovely day, I am then feeling awake and revived, and I am delighted to see them, and I love to play with them and hear all about their day.

I am reminded of a quote by M. Russell Ballard that seems applicable to me.
"Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction."

I think after having a little break, or some time in there to enjoy my baby one on one, as she crawls all over me, laughing and trying to suck on my face, I can be aware of those moments. It's times like these when I am cuddling my baby girl and I know she loves me so very much that I realize I am having one of those moments.

And who can resist that face?

Britney's back! See the resemblance?

So as anyone who has seen my fb page knows, yesterday my 4 year old son cut off all of my daughter's long hair. This was during "nap time". I don't usually put them down for naps anymore, I gave up nearly a year ago, but we had had a really hectic morning out and about and they had been whingeing and crying and saying they were tired, so I did. While they were quiet, I thought, Oh, maybe they are asleep now (it WAS nap time, wasn't it??). However. Then I was greeted at my bedroom door with Isabel, or should I say the boy version of Isabel. I was completely gobsmacked. I'm pretty sure what I saw then looked a lot like those Britney shaving her head photos.

Of course this is not the first time Isabel has displayed "Britney-esque" traits- a few months back my brother and sister in law nicknamed her Britney after she kept forgetting to wear knickers. I think this is different though.

Today I took her to the hairdresser to get it 'fixed', or neatened up at least. I wasn't expecting much, I knew it would be very short. The hairdresser was also kind of abrupt with me and gave me dirty looks that I interpreted as possibly meaning "You irresponsible neglectful parent". In the past that would have really bothered me but now I am confident enough in my abilities to not care so much about what other people think.

Now I have a pretty girl who might very easily be confused for a boy. Lots of headbands, clips, skirts and pink I think! Although I will say she is pulling off the pixie crop look much better than I ever could.

Jack was very apologetic, he said "Mummy I promise I will never do that again." (Ya think??) He also asked me if I was still upset, and proceeded to sing me a song to make me feel better. Who could be mad at that? Despite the likelihood of being judged by strangers, the hats I will now be buying and the pile of hair I found in a drawer, I think my kids are awesome. Spirited. Even right now, I can't help but be amused as Jack tells Isabel, "You've got boy hair. Isabel, you've got boy hair."

Lynx Stynx!!

Here is one example. Lynx deodorant (aka Axe in the US) perpetuates the idea that a woman's worth is completely based on her sex appeal (yeah I know, that's no different from a lot of advertising) and that a woman's function is purely to satisfy men's sexual cravings. This is an idea that is used a lot in advertising, but I think here it clearly crosses the line. Check out their air stewardesses ad here, one of their shower gel ads here, the 'girls look hot wet' one here. There are HEAPS of these, I have just selected a few.

Not to mention their website. Ugh. As you enter the site, you select your own girl in a bikini, possibly covered in mud, or possibly even two together. If you think this is objectifying women, it goes a step further. The girls have no heads. All that we see of these girls are their torsos. They have been broken down only to particular body parts- sexual ones, reinforcing that the most important features a woman can possess are her breasts, her butt, you get the idea.

Now a new development, recently Lynx has made a getaway accommodation just for men called the Lynx Lodge, basically a brothel where guys can go be serviced by sexy women.

You get the point that I am not a fan of Lynx.

So here is where it gets tricky. Lynx is owned by the company Unilever. They have many other brands, including Dove (remember the campaign for real beauty? Hypocritical much?), Continental (as in soup), OMO, Surf, Flora, Sunsilk,and many more.

If I want to stop giving my money to a company that is getting rich from sexist and degrading attitudes towards women, then I don't buy any of their products.

HOWEVER... A few weeks ago I was doing the grocery shopping, and having decided not to buy Lynx deodorant anymore, I looked around for what I could buy for my husband. Rexona is also a unilever product, so that was out. (As well as Dove and Impulse, but I wasn't considering them for my husband.) Brut is also out (read Melinda Tankard Reist's article about Brut here). What about Mitchum? Check out this interesting website. Cross Mitchum off the list.

So here is a list of deodorants I have on my boycott list: Lynx, Rexona, Dove, Impulse, Brut, Mitchum. And this is JUST deodorant.

Now what the hell is left!?

Do I be stubborn, and refuse to fund messages I strongly disagree with? Do I forget about boycotting all together? Do I write letters to the companies in question? Or do I make a compromise?

I don't have all the answers yet, I am leaning towards a combination of all of the above. I will note buy Lynx, because Lynx in particular disgusts me. I intend to write to Unilever about this. But I also think I may have to make some kind of compromise so I don't make my life ridiculously hard...but I haven't figured out how I can do that yet. In the mean time, wish me luck doing my weekly grocery shop as I stand in front of the deodorant section for about ten minutes.

Battle of the boycott!

Hello there!

Sorry, it's been awhile. It's been one of those months with little sleep. However, my baby does have three teeth now, so, worth it? I'm sure you have all been frantically checking for new posts and getting very disappointed...all three of you followers, haha.

Well, writing this blog is kind of therapeutic for me, so never mind. Here's something that has been on my mind this week.

There are some things that I feel very strongly about, I suppose they would fall under the category of 'Women's issues'. Anyone who has seen my facebook page or even read this blog before is probably well aware of that. One of the biggest issues for me has been described as the 'pornification' of our culture. I think the word pornification is pretty self explanatory, but to explain it further I would say it is about the mainstreaming of pornography, or porn culture, or perpetuating an ideology where women are purely objects to be used by men. That is a basic definition of what I'm referring to, and if I go any more into it right now I will start getting really angry and typing really fast while clenching my jaw...whew.

I believe that I can make a difference to this problem, as we all can. Maybe just a small difference, but at least stir up some change. I can do this (and have several times) by speaking out where appropriate, writing letters to those who promote these ideals or those who are responsible for regulating particular industries, and boycotting certain companies and refusing to buy their products.

No, I don't believe that a huge corporation will be severely stung by my withholding my money. I do believe that maybe if many people do the same thing, or the companies are concerned that others will do the same, they may be pressured to reassess their advertising strategy (or whatever is the problem). I know many companies make products supposedly to meet customer demand, therefore if I don't purchase products made by sleazy companies, I am not proving them right. They can't turn around and say, See? Our product is selling really well, so obviously there is a demand for it, or obviously nobody is offended by our style of advertising.

More than these small things, this is a matter of integrity for me. I feel uneasy about giving my money to corporations who glamourise or promote ideas that are just wrong. Think about it, if I buy products from one of those companies, I am directly helping them grow and prosper. This does not sit well with me.

I might have to give some examples of dodgy companies/promotions, but I think that will make this post way too long so maybe next time...

So here is where things become blurry for me. Do I boycott everything that I deem to be offensive? How much trouble should I go to to boycott these products? Can or should I be more sensible while still being able to be comfortable with myself?

Please, please, please, let me get what I want...sleep!

When you have a new baby, you expect to be up for long periods during the night, and having broken sleep, and being exhausted in general. Then (hopefully) after several months, things get better in the sleep department, and your baby will maybe 'sleep through' and you will get more sleep, even if it is broken sleep.

Many new mums will tell you sleep deprivation is very effective torture. I completely agree. It is amazing how messed up your head can be when you have been days without real sleep, and how logical you can be after catching up. Logical according to my standards, not my husband's, which are very very incredibly high.

I often have found after having a new baby, that I would be surprised at how well I could cope on so little sleep- for a few days. Then I would lose it. Then, I would once again surprise myself at how well I was coping without sleep (except for that meltdown, of course) and I continue doing okay, not as good as normal, of course, but okay, until the next meltdown....and the cycle continues.

I think the reason that between 'episodes' I maintained a vague level of normalcy is because after having a baby you fully expect to get very little sleep, and that you will sleep at any opportunity you can, prioritizing it over housework or cooking. But when I don't have any reason to expect to be sleep deprived, it hits me so much harder.

So fast forward to the present day, and I now have three children. None of them are newborn babies anymore, and they all at one point mastered sleeping through the night, and even at some stages sleeping right through the night, from about 7-7 (woohoo!) So how is it that I get no sleep anymore?

My husband has been away for almost a week, and I am soooooo relieved he comes back early tomorrow morning. With my husband home, there is someone to share kid duty with during the night- and when I say share, taking turns pretending to be asleep and getting elbowed by the other saying, "Your turn!" With my husband away, I have been solely responsible for our kids, who on a typical night wake up twice each. You do the math. So on any given night, I have been up six times. And let's not forget the extra fun stuff, like a teething baby, or a vomiting toddler who refuses to use a bucket and left a trail from one end of the house to the other, oh yeah, and that big one who wets his bed about every second night, sometimes twice in one night.

The alarm goes off and I scrunch up my face and think "Seriously??? Time to wake up? I didn't get any sleep yet!" Then I wake up and see a giant pile of extra washing, covered in vomit and pee and remember all the things I have to do that day before I can go back to bed again that night.

I love my bed. It is my happy place. I have become one of those people who collapses into bed at the end of the day and makes an audible noise, an internal sigh signifying both frustration and relief, like an old person. I have fallen asleep at the movies (like my Mum!!)

Oh yes, and somewhere in there I am supposed to find extra energy for working out, housework, being energetic with my kids and something to stimulate my mind and wake it up from its zombie like state.

I'm so looking forward to my husband coming home! But if he walks in and says "I'm SO tired..." I may just throw one of those children who is still awake at him.

Helping or hurting, kids?!?

I decided when my kids were younger that I was going to train them up to be responsible for packing away their own toys, tidying up after themselves, etc. This is more difficult than you would think! The number of times I could have tidied up a room with toys scattered in less than 2 minutes, and instead have spent ten minutes supervising the kids doing this same job...But I keep telling myself that one day not too far from now, I will be glad I did it. And every now and then, I am pleasantly surprised by Isabel packing away the duplo without even being asked. I think my heart might just burst with pride (almost).

Sometimes they do other "helpful" things, that make me unsure about whether I should tear my hair out or say, "Good job, sweetheart!" Things like Jack deciding to pull out all his clothes and re-organize them (why oh I do I even bother folding?). Or Isabel taking towels out from the linen cupboard to lay them down in puddles outside, as she says to herself, "Cleanin' up da mess..."

Yesterday the kids decided the floor needed a wash. The floor had in fact been mopped two days previously, and was pretty clean. They got sponges out of the sink (one of which appeared to have been soaking in dirty water) and started 'mopping' the floor with them. Imagine lots and lots of drops followed by puddles of dirty water on my nice clean floor. I tried to explain to Jack he needed to wring out the sponge first to get rid of the extra water before cleaning the floor but as 4 year olds often do, he (loudly) voiced his opposing thoughts. So here is Mummy facing a dilemma. Do I still encourage helping, or do I save myself from a big clean-up job? While all this is going on, Isabel was outside quietly scrubbing the bricks with a sponge.

As for cleaning the bathroom, everyone wants to be the one to spray the windex on the mirror, and basically everywhere, regardless if we have already finished. I guess it could be worse. Rather than spraying cleaning product on the bath they could be scribbling on it with crayons- oh wait, they've already done that.

So it seems my whole reason for housework is children. Each time I clean up a particular mess, I have left my kids unsupervised long enough to make another awful mess. Then I go to fix that one, and they make another mess, and so on, and so on...

In the evening my husband comes home and walks into our trashed house, much the same as it looked in the morning when he left. He knows now, though, from experience of the head-biteage variety, that the appropriate response is to smile and say, " The house looks good..."